The Art of Curated Confidence
What does curated confidence mean?
Hi there! Im so glad you’re here today. If you’ve stumbled on this blog post that probably means that your confidence has taken a hit lately. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. As women our confidence seems to be hit all the time… Ive worked with women for over 13 years and have found that our confidence isn’t lost in one fell swoop. It’s chipped away little by little by little. When you get left out of that sleepover at 9, dont get invited to that party at 17, dont get into the college we want , comparison with siblings at an early age. The pressure to “have a plan” in your 20’s, you date and date but never get past the second or third date, fall into the wrong relationship that’s toxic, financial instability, unrealistic beauty standards from social media, losing friends to marriage, motherhood, life. Comments from your mother in law on how you should parent, feeling ashamed that you’re drowning in the invisible load of life… motherhood vs career vs selfcare. Not getting your body back instantly after your baby. Or maybe its realizing your career isn’t filling your cup anymore and slowly chipping away at your confidence. I could literally go on for days at the small things that chip away at our confidence but I just want you to know that you can get back confidence and have more than you really ever thought you could. The truth is… we CURATE our confidence. That little voice that is inside our head builds our life and if were not taking the time to be intentional with the words we speak to ourselves that no one else hears, the world will chip away at our confidence and we will wake up one morning wondering how on earth we got here and not knowing who that woman is in the mirror.
Why confidence isn’t loud.
Have you ever really stopped and looked at someone that you know IN REAL LIFE that seems to just have an endless amount of confidence? Im not talking about your favorite influencer or reality star. Someone you know that just walks around different. I’ve been very fortunate to have many women come into my life that are glowing examples of confidence and do you know what they all have in common? They’re quiet about it. Confidence isn’t loud. Real confidence isn’t flagrant and flamboyant. They dont talk about it… the DO it. If they’re going to be loud it’s through actions. I also believe that this comes from having healthy habits and healthy self talk. Ive been on both sides of this pendulum and let me tell you, the women who are quiet doers are the ones with the best, healthy confidence. They’re also not afraid to fail. When you ask yourself “Why don’t I have any confidence?” The reason typically boils down to fear.
This right here is the confidence crisis. You’re afraid they’ll talk about you, you’re afraid you’ll mess that project up and have to start over, you’re afraid your outfit isn’t in style, you’re afraid you’ll… fail. Our society has become risk adverse partially because everything seems to go online and feel so much more permanent. As women we need to drop the facade of everything being perfect and get really good at micro-failing. Confidence is being comfortable with failure.
Two small daily habits to implement today.
Mel Robbin’s hot 15
Your hot fifteen is the first 15 minutes of your day. These fifteen minutes have proven to be the most powerful for setting your emotional state, confidence and really your overall behavior for the next 12 hours. To sum it up nicely, how you start your day tells your brain how to feel for the day. When you start your day by pushing snooze, grabbing your phone, scrolling social media, checking emails etc. You then ultimately then end up rushing or worse, late. You started your day out with that little box dictating how you are going to feel. You are reacting to everything that is coming at you instead of you telling yourself that you are in control and you direct your life.
Affirmations
I know you are probably saying absolutely not, that’s ridiculous I am not talking to myself in the morning but confidence takes hold through repetition, day in and day out. We build confidence by hearing the powerful message over and over and over until it feels familiar… safe. Then we start to believe it. Affirmations tie into Mels hot fifteen beautifully because it goes back to your brain being the most impressionable first thing in the morning. Affirmations are so powerful because if we do this first thing and set the intention behind how we want to feel that day, what we are willing and not willing to accept, how were going to speak to ourselves, we’re quite literally molding our default narrative that plays inside our head all day. Affirmations are an intentional interruption to autopilot. If we let it, our brain will run wild from the minute our feet hit the floor to the minute our head hits the pillow… exercising some thought control through affirmations is an easy way to break that negative loop.
One thing you should stop doing to build confidence
Stop asking everyone what they think before you decide what you think. This is something I am horribly guilty of. But I’ve come to find that crowd-sourcing your life only drags down your confidence because everyone’s preferences are different. Pick the restaurant. Choose that outfit. Make the plans.
One thing to start doing to build that confidence
Start paying closer attention to your thoughts. Our thoughts are our world and if they’re controlling you vs you controlling your thoughts that can be a dark path to walk. One thing that helped me immensely was recognizing the tone I was speaking to myself in… if I don’t wouldn’t talk to my children or someone else’s child like how my inner dialogue is running, the tone needs to change. Ask yourself if this is beneficial to me or hindering me? Just taking a pause and evaluating your thoughts goes a long way. Now, this does not mean berating yourself for having a bad tone or negative thoughts that is not beneficial here. The goal is neutral awareness. Don’t attach your worth to the negative thoughts we all have them. Then simply move on. When you catch yourself in a negative thought loop, observe it and then go on about your day your catching your thoughts instead of letting them run wild all day. Through this you’ll start seeing subtle shifts or resets in your day. You'll soon stop crowd-sourcing your thoughts and outsourcing your confidence. You learn to trust yourself again. Want to know why? Because you’re learning that you have the ability to sit with uncertainty and still push forward.
Confidence grows in these quiet moments, the small moments, the ordinary moments— not overnight but slowly and intentionally in a way that feels best for you.
xoxo AP